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The Persistence of

I hadn't really planned on writing about my Dad again, but it's the overwhelming thought pattern in my mind this week, so there's not much use in avoiding it.

Five years ago today was the last time I saw him alive.  He had just been moved to Palliative Care in the hospital and my Mum and I were making arrangements to prepare Hospice at home.  He died the following morning, alone.  My mother and I went home that night, unaware, completely dumbly and naively unaware that this would be his last night on this earth.  He had been in the hospital off and on for about 10 years.  He even died once.  And came back to us.  When he died this time, we told people how unexpected it was, and I think they thought we were crazy.  He was obviously dying.  Well yes the dying part was obvious to us, but the death part.  It never seemed to come.  Until it did.

This time of year is just so laden with memories. He was transferred to ICU on Easter, and we sat vigil for weeks.  He died on the 21st of April.  His memorial service was on May 17th.    His birthday is May 31st.  Father's Day is in the middle of June.  It's just an extended exhausting mourning session for me now.

I've been trying to think of more positive things.

More life affirming things.

One of the things he loved, that he shared with me, and anyone who'd listen actually, was his love of music.

A song I've been thinking of a lot lately was this one by Roger Whittaker.  It was one of our songs.  He made me a mixed tape, remember those? featuring the song when I was in my 20's and had first moved out on my own.  I'd pop it in the cassette player, remember those? whenever I got a bit homesick and missed my Daddy.

He was always such a massive support to me.  He was my hero.


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